one room challenge: slight change of plans

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Sorry this is a little late, but I got back from New York on Tuesday afternoon and then the entire fucking world exploded at 1 am on Wednesday, so I’m sure you understand.

In light of recent events, I just want to take this time to implore everyone to look past our differences, and to go into the future with open minds and h– OH WAIT, NO I DON’T

FUCK THAT.

After eight years of birther bullshit and government shutdowns and “not my president” and at least 62 attempts to  repeal the ACA and then the absolute  garbage perpetrated by the DNC itself during the primaries, NO. I will not “go high.” Sorry, Michelle.

This reminds me of all the misguided advice given to children who are being bullied. “They’re doing it because they’re unhappy.” “They probably have a terrible home life and are jealous of you.” “If you ignore them, they’ll lose interest and go away.” When has that advice EVER worked? Here’s a fun fact: sometimes bullies have great self esteem, and, along with a deficient capacity for empathy, actually just happen to enjoy being assholes. No amount of “taking the high road” will change people like that. Likewise, trying to understand the I-care-more-about-my-taxes-than-your-civil-rights faux-Libertarian choads and the ain’t-no-woman-going-to-tell-me-what-to-do pieces of shit and the took-‘er-jerbs idiots and the honestly SHOCKING amount of anti-semitic hate monsters—no amount of understanding and working together will (or ever has) change the way those people think.

(Oh, but remember that one time nonviolent protests propelled the civil rights movement to success? That worked, right? Well, kind of, except that face of the civil rights movement was FUCKING MURDERED. But what about the time that putting daisies down the barrels of military rifles ended the Vietnam War? or when we were very disappointed in the policemen who killed unarmed black children so they totally cut out that kind of behavior? or that thing where we really disapprove of rampant sexual abuse in the Catholic church but keep sending kids there because… something about Jesus I guess?)

So what I’d actually like to implore people to do right now is BURN IT ALL TO THE GODDAMN GROUND.

(Using your menstrual blood as war paint is optional.)


 

Well, that kind of got away from me, huh? I mean, jeez, this is a DIY blog, not an anarchist recruitment site. So where were we again? Right, my One Room Challenge update. I decided to switch some things up last minute, so here’s a new overview of how my plan has evolved.

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  1. I decided to switch the artwork out for something a little more upbeat and inspiring. This flag is pretty versatile–you can use it as a very stylish cape when we all rise up to seize the means of production.
  2. After the apocalypse is underway, food might be hard to find. I figure we’ll all be busy  stringing up bankers and fighting off sexual assault, so learning the essentials of falconry will help keep our bellies full. (Don’t forget your protective glove!)
  3. Speaking of sexual assault, do you know how many rich old men will be allowed to grab me by the pussy? Exactly one, because I will use my new axe to chop off his hand and wear it as a god damn necklace to serve as  a warning to the men I encounter in my travels. Also, you can use the axe to build a super cute lean-to once all the buildings in America are reduced to smoldering rubble.
  4. Admit it, you’ve always wanted a really expensive passport holder. Buy it now before all the major financial institutions collapse, and you can feel super fancy when you’re boarding a leaky fishing boat to Cuba.
  5. It probably goes without saying, but gasoline will be a Definite Must  in the new world order. We’ll go through quite a bit while we’re burning down Wall Street, but we’ll also need a bunch to keep warm durning the coming nuclear winter. I’m going to keep myself safe with an EPA-approved gas container and extra-long fireplace matches, and stay on-trend with a rustic brass and copper match holder.
  6. No One Room Challenge shopping list would be complete without an Ariocarpuscactus peyote cactus root. Trust me, we’re going to be making a lot of peyote. A LOT.
  7. Finally, a solid gold chalice for drinking the blood of our oppressors. If that sounds too gross, you can also use it for storing the eyeballs of your oppressors, the testicles of your oppressors, the thumbs of your oppressors–whatever you want really, it’s super versatile. I unfortunately couldn’t find a solid gold one on Amazon, but this one is gold-plated silver and it costs $14,000, so I’m sure it will be fine.

(Not pictured: that copper and rope chair from CB2 that I still can’t stop thinking about. I’m planning on grabbing it once the sky starts raining fire and looting begins in earnest.)

I’m so excited to post my final reveal next week! (Assuming, obviously, that the internet still exists and any of us even remember what a “blog” is.)

 

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10 comments

  1. Admire your passion! One day soon I hope to write a post on my own blog about all this. I sympathize most with Treebeard from TLotR when he says “I’m not on anybody’s side, because nobody is really on my side” – perspective of a perennial outsider. It does make me sad that there’s so much vitriol though; I hope that “Love Trumps Hate” was more than just a campaign slogan. Humanity is at our best when diverse voices have input, so we need you and me and everyone else to keep on, finding ways to channel our energy productively to ensure that things ultimately move in a better direction than the “other side” can come up with on their own. Idealism should be admired, not ignored or despised.

    But really I wanted to comment today because – falconry!!

    When I was a tween, long ago when dinsaurs roamed the earth, my library actually had a copy of THE text on the subject: “The Art of Falconry,” written in the 1200s by Frederick II Hohenstauffen, Holy Roman Emperor (https://www.amazon.com/Falconry-Venandi-Avibus-Frederick-Hohenstaufen/dp/0804703744). (And yes, I did a paper on him in grad school, and I know that it wasn’t roman and certainly not holy.) I regret that I didn’t steal that book, because it’s likely in a landfill now…

    Anyway, I had notebooks filled with drawings of how *I* would design a mews, what material *my* gauntlet and jesses would be made of, what kind of falcon (not a hawk – please) to start with, … oh man, I had it all figured out. A true geek, all the way down.

    Nowadays, with peregrines nesting in cities on skyscrapers, it’s fun to see the non-geek population fascinated with these awesome raptors. I actually saw one up close once (a peregrine, not a geek…) and was stunned by how truly blue it was – like a blue jay! but waaaay bigger, and with a dead snake grasped in its talons.

    So I leave you with that image – a wild, free peregrine, blue as a sapphire, triumphing over a snake and flying off to its eyrie. Inspiration!

    1. I love that Treebeard quote! I think that’s the way a LOT of people are feeling and had a ton to do with the outcome of the election. I admire the sentiment behind “love trumps hate,” but (and I’m saying this as a person who’s wearing my very own safety pin on my jacket lapel) I’m worried that it’s just a way for young white people to continue to justify their non-involvement in the political process because hey, just loving others is plenty. Political action based on a philosophy of love and acceptance is what trumps government-sanctioned hate.

      I think falconry is so badass! I saw my first falcon from the 15th floor of a Manhattan high rise when it landed on a windowsill and absolutely went to town on a pigeon. I’m so used to birds being goofy and dumb but this guy was absolutely terrifying! It immediately made me want to leave the city and live out my secret My Side of the Mountain fantasy.

  2. you are so awesome. Thank you for not being one of those blogs that doesn’t address things because it “doesn’t fit your aesthetic” or whatever bullshit that allows people to pretend shit isn’t fucked up.

    1. Thanks dude. I was super shocked last week when (despite the inundation of “I voted!” sticker selfies) 90% of the blogs I read had absolutely nothing to say. Not even “hope everybody’s doing okay, here’s a chalk paint project to take your mind off things.”

  3. I am so excited for the room update that I have been checking it every single day at work. I cant wait for that post! I thought your room was still pretty cool before the makeover. I hope you do more rooms after this one.

    1. Haha thanks! I’m working on it, I promise! School + illness + general fuckery has totally screwed up my super optimistic timeline but things are definitely looking up as of today.

  4. I am a week late here but–THANK YOU for not being one of “those” blogs that float along in apparent bliss regardless of what is happening in the world. With or without chalk paint.

    Now about that anarchy stuff! First I would urge a solar powered CD player and a CD of the Cast Album of HAMILTON.; Aside from the entertainment value–which is VAST–it is full of sly and witty turns of phrase and snark and political satire. Has any one ELSE noticed–how MUCH Alex has intruded into our elections this year? Not since 1800 has he cared THIS MUCH about us! Jefferson or Burr? Altho a life long foe of Jefferson he backed him because he knew he had belief’s–and Burr–had–none. Which was proven correct after Burr went batshit insane and swanned off to Mexico to make himself Emperor.

    But here is Alex! Once again–center stage.

    Every time I read your name I hear it in the HAMILTON version–Eeeee–LIIIIIII-za! Now—if your sisters are named Angelica And Peggy! we have more to chat about!

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