OMG

warning: personal

 

Holy shit, you guys. I hate those people who always talk about how busy they are, but omg I have been so busy. Not with any cool secret projects or anything, just… busy. School started five weeks ago and it has been kicking my ass. I’m taking 24 credits and honestly I might die. Trying to keep everything straight in my head (and in my calendar and on my to-do board) has me in a near-constant state of panic. And then work has been slow because it always is during the summer, except it hasn’t really picked up like it usually does in September… so I’m a little worried about not having that job anymore (and that job is fucking awesome.) I’ve started to do the vintage furniture thing a little more seriously to see if it’s something I can have some steady income from… I’d been working with a dude, but after a heartbreaking incident with a Brasilia gentleman’s dresser last week, I’m trying to make a go of it on my own (with some help from Cayce’s Prius and James’s muscles, obvs.) (Plus I’m trying to harden up a little because regularly crying over furniture is not the behavior of a sane person.) Oh and I’m also interning with a photographer, because that seems like a useful skill to have, right? I shot a wedding reception last week and oh boy is that difficult and not something I ever want to do again. (By “shot,” I mean “took 600 pictures and produced nothing useful, but got very drunk afterwards.”) Yesterday I handed over my UNEDITED memory card from the reception to the guy I’m interning for and I honestly thought I was going to have a stroke. I’m the kind of person who never lets anyone see rough drafts of ANYTHING. I color correct snapshots of dogs before I send them to my boyfriend. And now this guy has access to, like, a metric fuckton of garbage I produced, and my heart kind of starts pounding every time I think about it. But everything is a learning process I guess, right?

I have no idea if I’m busy for an actual person, or just busy for me. I’m freaking out constantly but this is honestly probably the most functional I’ve ever been in my life. James and I go to the farmers’ market every Sunday morning for pastries now. I actually respond to emails when I get them. I make plans for early in the morning and then I don’t flake out. It’s, like, normal human stuff, but I have honestly never really lived like this before. It still feels like I’m not super far away from the possibility of a total emotional breakdown, but it also feels like I’m kind of able to to keep it there and not let it get any closer. (Because that’s the fucking thing with depression, isn’t it? No matter how well things are going, there’s always the fear that your brain will decide to be an asshole and screw it all up.)

So anyway. I have all these projects I want to write about. I also want to finish the third “how to pack” post because it’s been so long that now it feels like this whole huge thing looming over my life, which is insane for a blog post that like five people will read. I miss this blog! And I just paid to renew the domain for another year, so I really have no excuse.

 

😀

 

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2 comments

  1. First, you are really busy for anyone – not just for you. I suspect that all people who are creative and bright and “oh-wow-EVERYthing-is-SOOOO-interesting-there-aren’t-enough-hours-in-the-day-to-see-and-do-it-all” are typically overwhelmed, and how could you not be? Do what you can each day & it will be enough. And BTW you’re ahead of the curve if you keep up with emails at all, so give yourself some grace! 🙂

    Second, the Amazon recommendations generated by this post are hilarious! (“Managing Manure to Save Mankind”?) So there’s a bit of a silver lining from your troubles.

    Third (and last), because of you I’m going to have to break down and get an Instagram account because you keep buying furniture that was in my parents’ house and are you intentionally re-creating my childhood home and wow where were you when we cleaned it out and divided everything because I would have surely loved to sell it to you! (breathe, breathe, LOL;-)

    Srsly, thanks for your blog! You have a real talent for writing, so I’m hoping you’ll fit in a few posts around your primary responsibilities, but don’t stress yourself over it. Life is long!

  2. Well, that’s just fine! Be busy but occasionally treat yo self to a little down time if you can. I do want to see what happened with Cayce’s apartment, though. I’m emotionally invested. No pressure.

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